My Journey

     

     SO I KNOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE BEEN WONDERING WHAT I HAVE BEEN DOING, AND WHERE I'VE BEEN. WELL HONESTLY, I HAVE BEEN ON A PERSONAL JOURNEY SEARCHING FOR THE REAL ME, THE TRUE ME THAT GOD CREATED ME TO BE. I MUST ADMIT JOURNEYS OF THIS SORT CAN BE LONG AND GRUELING, YOU RUN INTO PARTS OF YOURSELF THAT YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT AND OTHER YOU'S THAT YOU DON'T LIKE AND YOU HAVE TO GET RID OF. I REALIZE THE ADDICT IN ME (LET'S CALL THE ADDICT MONA) THAT I'VE KNOWN FOR YEARS HAD TO GO. MONA WAS SELF DESTRUCTIVE AND QUIT SELFISH. SHE MADE ME MISS OUT ON A LOT OF OPPORTUNITIES BECAUSE SHE JUST COULD NOT LET HER ADDICTIONS GO, AND SHE JUST HAD TO HAVE HER WAY. SO I STOPPED GIVING MONA MY TIME AND ATTENTION IN MARCH. THEN THEIR WAS THE PROCRASTINATOR (WE WILL CALL HER LISA) AND I TO BID HER FAREWELL AS WELL. ALL LISA DID WAS SIT AROUND TALKING ABOUT WHAT SHE WAS GOING TO DO TO CHANGE HER LIFE BUT SHE NEVER MADE GOOD ON ANYTHING SHE SAID AND AS MUCH AS I LIKED HER IDEAS, I HAD TO CUT HER LOOSE IN APRIL. AND FINALLY THERE WAS THE BROKEN GIRL, THE BABY (WE CAN CALL HER AMY). AMY WAS SWEET, BUT VERY INSECURE, SCARED, AND WOUNDED LITTLE GIRL. SHE FELT LIKE SHE DIDN'T DESERVE MUCH OF ANYBODIES LOVE AND IF SHE STAYED FAT NO ONE WOULD SEE HER BUT THE TOTAL OPPOSITE HAPPENED. SO AS SWEET AS SHE WAS I HAD TO SIT HER DOWN AND TELL HER SHE WAS LOVED, PROTECTED, AND THAT I WOULD ALWAYS BE THERE FOR HER BUT THAT SHE HAD TO GROW UP AND MOVE ON WITH HER LIFE, SO I SENT HER ON HER WAY IN JUNE. NOW I KNOW YOU PROBABLY THINK I'M CRAZY OR MAYBE EVEN A LITTLE SKITSO LOL, BUT I'M NOT. IN ORDER FOR ME TO TRULY WIN AT BEING A BETTER ME I HAD TO LET GO AND MAKE SOME CHANGES! SO I MEDITATE AND READ MY BIBLE EVERYDAY. I KNOW LONGER EAT MEAT, SEAFOOD, PROCESSED FOODS, VERY LITTLE DAIRY, AND I DO MY BEST TO MOVE MY BODY AT LEAST 3 THIME A WEEK. I KNOW I HAVE TO WRITE DOWN EVERYTHING I PUT IN MY MOUTH. AND SOME OF YOU MAY OR MAY NOT KNOW THIS, BUT I JUICE 3 TIMES A YEAR. JUICING IS HOW I GOT RID OF MONA (BELIEVE IT OR NOT). JUICING TAUGHT ME DISCIPLINE AND IT HELPED TO CLEAR MY MIND. AND I HAVE A LOAD UP DAY( A CHEAT DAY AS MOST WOULD CALL IT) ONCE A MONTH. AND I EAT WHAT EVER MY HEART DESIRES AND I MEAN WHAT EVER, AND I DON'T BEAT MYSELF UP FOR IT EITHER. I'M LEARNING TO LOVE ME JUST THE WAY I AM, EVEN ON MY BAD DAYS. AND I'M NOT MY WEIGHT ANYMORE, I CAN'T LET THAT DEFINE MY LIFE AND THE KIND OF PERSON I AM. I GUESS THIS JOURNEY HAS BEEN MORE ABOUT FREEDOM THAN WEIGHT LOSS. I'VE ONLY JUST BEGUN AND I KNOW THERE WILL BE SOME SET BACKS. BUT I'M  ALMOST THERE, ALMOST FREE!!!!!

Starting Over(Yes Again)!

This is the Blog that I never wanted to write. As a matter of fact I said I would never be one of those contestant from The Biggest Loser that would have to say "I gained it all back". Well I hate to say this but "I have gained it all back", yes people every pound and then some. It took a little over a year and every time I would weigh myself I would feel like another day was being add to my sorrowful life sentence of obesity. I feel like I got a pardon and then the governor took it back. I have had a very ruff  past two years since I did The Biggest Loser, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer again, my dad left my mom after he found out she had cancer,  my personal life has been a soap opera to say the least and I took a year off from singing, yes a whole year. I remember when the weight started coming back on it was right after finale, cause that's when the drama started happening in my life. By the time the new year started I had gained 10lbs and it was down hill from there. I remember going back into my hole, my shell as the weight came rushing back on. The more weight I would gain the more I would retreat, until I found myself doing nothing and going nowhere. I was ashamed, scared, and most of all I really did feel like the biggest loser, how funny is that! I started reaching out for help and I didn't get any at all. Then I started reverting back to my old habit diet habit, like the Monday diet and everything that I read about and it just got worse. So i did what I felt like I had to do I just gave up,  I was tired of fighting the battle of bulge. I felt defeated and so for months I just cried and stayed in my bed. But one day last week I judge a 40 and Fabulous contest for a calendar and everyone of those women had there shit together if you know what I mean. They inspired me to do better. So I decided to give it one more try, one more time to fight for my own life. I've decided that this time I wasn't doing it for the music industry, or for my husband and kids, or to look good in that little black dress (although that would be nice), I was doing it for me so I could live this one life God gave me to the fullest, to live fearlessly. So today I have decided to share my journey with all of you once more, but this time I am going to share all of it with you. So here goes nothing! I have gained 98lbs since finale and I have a 160lbs to lose. I am going to share every week with all of you! I love you all and I need you all. So until next time!!!!!

Sugar Wars!

So you start your plan and your kicking butt, your workouts are going well, your eating plan is under control and all of a sudden you start going through sugar withdraws (and I mean really bad!)! Well this is what I have done in the past to make it through those sugar craving. The first thing you should do before you start is make a plan, that means a menu and from that menu you need to make a shopping list. Then you need to go shopping and get everything that you need for that first week. Prepare your food in advance before your week starts, that means preparing a lot of food. Do that on a day when you have nothing else to do like a Saturday or a Sunday. Pre-pack everything for that first day of your plan. Then for the first week of your plan, eat food made at home and only from home. That means taking a cooler full of food with you to work or even when you rerunning errands. If you can don't go anywhere their is tempting food, that includes the grocery store cause I know for me everything on those shelves would be calling me. And lastly Pray, I repeat this scripture "I can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens me" and I say that all day long. It seems to help me get through those really bad cravings. Whatever works for you on the spiritual side use it and use it all day long. If the first week goes by and you are still having cravings repeat this for another two weeks, the reason why I say another two weeks is because it takes 21 days to create a new habit. With a little planning and belief in yourself you can conquer your sugar cravings!

It doesn't change a thing

I always thought that when I lost the weight, my life would change for the better. I thought I would be happier, richer, and most importantly at peace. But here I am almost 70lbs lighter and I still have all life issues, bills, family, and might I add I am not rich lol, so I started thinking! I remember when life would beat me up I would help it out be feeding myself B.S.! I would medicate myself with food to take away the pain of life, only to find myself making things worse. I"m saying all of this to say. I still have tons of issues and life is still kicking my ass and, my weight doesn't change a thing. I had to find other ways to deal with life. First off I do a lot more praying (more than you would ever know), Secondly I find other ways to medicate myself, I blog or I find friends and family to talk to when I have problems. Thirdly I workout to numb the pain, cause I know that if I gain that weight back it will only make things worse. So now I know that my weight wasn't the issue I was. And knowing that about yourself is half the battle of this entire process.

P.S. I want to send my Love to all of you who read these blog each and everyone of you are special to me. You all may not know this, but this process is a huge help to me in more ways than one!!!!  

The Honest Truth!!!

I've thought long and hard about what I wanted to write since the holidays, and I've decided to write the truth. The holidays for me are the hardest times of the year to eat healthy. It seems like everywhere I go there is sweet potato pie, cakes, cookies you name it's there. I even had tempting food at my own house and I made some of it. I did well during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, but when New Years eve came I had a splurge and before I knew it I was eating bull for four days in a row. I had to make myself stop and get back on track. So on the 4th of January I started my eating plan over and let me tell you it's even harder now then it was when I first started on my journey. I haven't cheated but I can't stop thinking about all the tasty foods I ate. I've come to realize that I have an addiction to sugar (yes I am a food addict)and if I want to reach my goal I can't have a splurge. I have to be diligent and stick to the plan. I must stay on my workout and eating plan no matter what happens (even if it means I don't have cake on my B-Day on the 10th of this month), I must be strong for myself so can get to that size 10.  So I'm asking that everyone who reads this to pray for me!

Montina BL10

Letting Go!

Sorry I haven't post anything in a couple of days, I've been under the weather. I was coughing so bad my husband had to stop me from going to the gym this morning. I guess Im so scared of gaining weight back that I'm willing to go to the gym while I'm under the weather. I find myself putting so much pressure on myself to keep going and to lose the rest of this weight at times that I stress out and I don't lose a pound, and then that only raises my stress level higher. I keep telling myself it's a life style change, but my actions say different sometimes. So today I've decide to just let go. To eat right, move my body and whatever happens, happens! I'm only human and I can't do more than my best at this point. My dad has a saying, he says let go and let GOD! And that's what I'm going to do starting today.

The Monday Diet (LOL)

Have you ever said this to yourself "I'm going to start my diet on Monday"? Then you say I'm going to eat whatever I want this weekend and when Monday comes I'm going to start over. I call this the Monday Diet (LOL), cause we've all been there before. In that place where we are really motivated to do better, so we tell ourselves I'm just going to have that last cookie, Fri, or ice cream cone, and when Monday comes I'm going to start my diet. Before we know it, it's Tuesday and you've cheated (and by the way cheat is a bad word in a dieters vocabulary and should not be used, but that's a whole other blog) or you have a lunch meeting on Wednesday at your job and you fall short and eat something bad in your eyes and you find yourself giving up that week and saying "I'll just start over next Monday. Well I'm here to tell you that Monday will never come if you keep that attitude. The best thing to do is to say "I'm going to do better with the next meal and watch the changes that happen in you life, your body and with your mind. You will begin to reprogram the way you think about food and getting healthy. Before you know it the weight will be falling off! Don't worry about Monday,  eat for today, workout for today, and plan for today. Monday will come and go!

Montina

Living Pretty